ascent continues -prayer

If you read my last post you read about the vision of the gray sloth-man and how I was awaiting prayers with Kristy to get some deliverance from that. Today was the day! During my self-abasement I tried to prepare my heart for the prayer time with praise, petition and confession. God spoke 2 things to me..."grace" and "you're going to be wowed". Well I was indeed wowed and the word "grace" was part of an astounding revelation...let me explain.

Prayer begins. Kristy asked God to bring back the vision of the gray sloth-man...I tried to re-envision that but instead the man melted into a pool of gray slime, flooding the ground. I was reminded of a favorite scene from the movie, "The Passion of the Christ" when Mary passionately wiped up Jesus' blood from the ground...precious blood! Isn't it just like the enemy to impersonate our Lord. I was being slimed by the enemies blood. Kristy felt prompted to discover what was underneath that gray. She discerned it was fear. Over and over she would be hearing God focus on fear. I couldn't connect with fear (although I did think the enemy feared what was under that slime). Perhaps the renewed passion for the Lord and His Kingdom I seek is under there? Kristy led me to think about Kathy the child...was the fear there? I saw myself as a child smashed between two boards, immobilized, stuck. I had a paintbrush in my hand painting with the gray slime. I didn't feel fear but an odd sense of acceptance...this was my lot in life. I was sexually abused as a child and already knew that could be a part of the stronghold I was living within (or I should say dying within). Through all of my past recovery work and spiritual rebirth (praise God) I know I don't have fear in my spirit or emotions. I know I am secure in Christ. Today was an unfolding of the unspoken, unknown fear within the physical realm. I didn't realize that I had a disconnect here. At one point in the prayer I knew...Kristy knew...that I'd have to revisit the abuse to get connected with the fear and ask for deliverance and healing from that. I was ready to confront that horror - that trauma but it didn't happen. I was receiving healing from that physical fear without having to relive the experience (hmmm, that's not what I'd been told in healing prayer classes). The healing vision God gave to me was "painting my doorpost (with that same paintbrush) with the true blood of Christ" This was now the time for my body to be delivered from fear and anything that came to bring harm, despair and death by the blood of Christ. All things evil must Passover me!!! The physical realm of Kathy was being reconnected with the truth and with the already transformed heart/mind and spirit of Kathy. I love that Passover was just prior to the Israelites deliverance...and isn't that what I was seeking today. At this point God was willing to unveil what was underneath that gray slime. He washed it away and covered it by the true blood of Christ. What emerged was my heart...a large, red, robust, intensely beating heart. His hands embraced it and infused His Spirit and power and goodness into me. That absolutely symbolized to me the unveiling and impartation of a renewed passion for Christ and His Kingdom. Anything that was hindering me was Passing-over and the fullness of His presence within could be expressed. My words here can't even come close to the actual prayer experiences but I know that I know that I was delivered today...He began a new work within me. AMEN!!!

During the very last sentences of the prayer, an ice cream truck with it's joyful melody drove by the house. I delight in the most joyful, happy memory as a child of hearing the ice cream truck coming. The passion explodes within your heart and nothing will stop you from pursuing that treat. Quick get mom's approval, get the cash and run and stop that truck! I have that childlike joy right now!!! Praise God.

Finally I must mention where God's word "grace" fits in. After prayer Kristy and I discussed my inability to get in touch with or experience the childhood abuse. At that moment I realized, that protection was God's hand of grace...God blocked those feelings and healed me without recounting the trauma. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I realized what God did. He never meant for that to happen to me, His child, the first time around...why would He allow it a second time.

I am so thankful to have a deeply spiritual and gifted friend to lead me through a very intense and difficult prayer time. Kristy is so in tune with the Spirit that she moved our prayer time with the skill of master conductor. The tempo was amazingly perfect...the pauses for reflection were timed with precision. The ebb and flow of the experience was something only God could orchestrate and thank you Kristy, that you were listening!!!

Thank You God for this journey and this healing today...I am indeed overwhelmed by Your creative, healing presence.

I'm about halfway through the Bible study and my journey upwards...I can't wait to see what God has in store for the new me!